Where Do Babies Come From?
by Youkai Of Hearts
Summary: Well it was bound to be asked sooner or later…From years of being sheltered in the tower of Magi, Yuven wonders how babies are born so to his comrades' horror, he asks them… Maybe that wasn't the best idea…


**Dragon Age**

**Origins**

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**Rating:**

K-T

**Pairing:**

None

**Disclaim:**

I do not own the series, it belongs to Bioware I just like the game :D

**Warning:**

Probably involves some suggestive ideas

**Summary:**

Well it was bound to be asked sooner or later…

From years of being sheltered in the tower of Magi, Yuven wonders how babies are born so to his comrades' horror, he asks them…

Maybe that wasn't the best idea…

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**Where do Babies come from?**

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Yuven sat in the tavern with the others

An intense atmosphere filled the air, it was so tense and quiet a pin could be heard if dropped.

All his comrades stared at him wide eyed, he wondered if he said something weird or they probably didn't hear him properly…

"Um, what was that Yuven?" Alistair asked, taking in a deep breath, he looked really nervous and uncomfortable

Yuven took a deep breath and replied "Where do babies come from"

There was still the feeling of tension covering the air; the sounds of the glass that Zevran once held fell out of his hand.

Morrigan and Leiliana both sat beside each other, one looking as scared and shocked as the other, Sten sat there with the same expression and the Mabari Hound made a giant yawn, snuggling his head into Yuven's leg.

"You're joking right?" Morrigan asked, "This is just something that you and Alistair came up with?"

Alistair jumped in his chair, narrowing his cinnamon gaze to the witch "Don't look at me, I'm not apart of this…"

"Unsettling" Sten spoke

"Well my friends, I don't think Yuven is joking"

They all stared at Yuven, who only sat waiting for them to answer his question

Well they knew that Yuven was taken to the Circle of Magi at a young age, he's grown up in the dark and lived a very sheltered during all his years.

Other than the tower he is completely oblivious to this world and how it works, sure Yuven has skills, leadership qualities, knows his spells and is a good fighter although they have to keep in mind that the boy is still a novice at the way things work in the real world not the world of the Tower of Magi.

"I guess we have no choice" Morrigan said with a sigh

"Do we really have to?" The Templar asked, feeling as if he needs another drink

"This will be interesting" Zevran said, running a hand through his blond locks.

_Alistair_

Since he drew the shortest end of the stick, Alistair was the first to tell Yuven where babies came from.

He quietly took his comrade out of the Tavern, both of them feeling the cold of the night air, dark clouds covering the moon.

"Right Yuven" Alistair began, feeling a huge lump in his throat _Oh Maker how do I explain this?_

Yuven stared at him with bright green eyes and it only took Alistair a few minutes to decide what to do

Out of nowhere he brings out two puppets behind his back, one a rabbit with a kings crown, the other was a fox with a crown and a veil probably showing the queen. Yuven looked on in wonder, wondering what the puppets are being used for?

"Meet King Rabbit and Queen Foxy" Yuven looked on rather confused.

"You see Yuven when Queen Foxy gets _**very very**_ uh…" he froze for a moment, trying to think carefully on what words to pick "Horny, King Rabbit decides to **help** by doing his happy dance"

Yuven stared on in shock, his green eyes wide as dinner plates "Uh, preferably in the bedroom because Queen Foxy gets really angry when sick mice are watching"

This seemed to be scaring Yuven "The two of them dance all night, probably for a week or two until more baby foxes and rabbits are brought into the world"

Alistair could tell he was doing a lousy job

"Do you know what I'm saying?"

Yuven stared on for a moment before turning round and headed back to the tavern, sitting down beside Morrigan who smiled at the young elf

"So, did Alistair tell you?"

Yuven took a moment until he replied "Yeah, apparently a rabbit and fox are involved…" everyone stared at each other wondering what the hell Alistair told the boy.

_Morrigan_

After deciding that Alistair did a lousy job, Morrigan decided to take things into her own hands; she dragged the boy outside of the Tavern again and took in a deep breath

"Right Yuven, listen very carefully for I will only explain this once" Yuven was eager to listen to what Morrigan has to say, she seemed to be the most reliable.

"From what my mother told me" Morrigan began, recalling what her mother, the witch of the wilds told her in her distant childhood.

"When she was giving birth to me, she told me that she had me in a swamp"

_What? _Yuven thought in shock

"My mother told me that she had to push me out of her, she screamed and blood was gushing out of her eyes, she cursed as flames rose from the swamps in hails of molten rock"

After Morrigan's very 'Creepy' description, the young Grey Warden returned to the group, sat him self down on the chair and stared as if his soul was leaving his body.

"So" Alistair began "Did she explain everything?"

Yuven took a moment to retrieve his soul before replying "Apparently the apocalypse, blood and screaming are part of providing a baby"

There was silence in the whole Tavern this time

_Leliana_

"The Maker is the creator of all things" began Leliana, thinking that she could give Yuven a better but innocent picture.

"So you see the Maker takes the form of a Stork"

"A stork?" Yuven asked, his face gone pale

"Yes" Leliana replied with a nod "The Maker takes the form of a Stork, carrying the child in a cloth"

Yuven continued to listen to this tale; it seemed very useful so far well that was until Leliana said

"Then it finds the _Chosen_ mother and when he does he shoves the child right up her-"

Zevran and the others waited for their leaders returned and it seemed he had been even more scarred for life than before.

Zevran was the first to break the awkwardness "So my friend" he began "How did it go"

"The Maker is a Bastard…I think I'll convert…"

More awkward silence

_Sten_

Sten stood outside the tavern along with Yuven, both of them staring each other down

The silence of the night hovered between the two until Sten broke the silence with his usual dead-pan voice

"I'm afraid I can not help you" he said "For I wish not to deal with such matters, they frighten me"

Yuven nodded, agreeing with the man's response

"I agree"

_Zevran_

"Right since everyone else has failed in such a simple subject, it's time you learn from a master" Zevran boasted with a smirk on his face.

Yuven wondered if this was a good idea?

He stared at his fellow elf for a few more seconds until Zevran slowly revealed a sausage and a donut that he stole from the tavern

His eyes narrowed and an evil cackle could be heard as Yuven stared on in sheer horror

"Now Yuven, this is a (Bleep) and this is a (Bleep)"

Yuven's eyes went wide open "Now when a man and a woman, love each other very much then the man will pounce on the woman and (Bleeeeeep) (Bleep) then he shoves his (bleep) up her (bleep)"

Zevran's cheeks turned red, he felt himself tingle "It's such a wonderful feeling you know, the man can (bleep) the woman as hard and fast as he can until she (bleep)" Yuven looked even more pale than before

"But it's not reserved for a man and a woman, love can be shared between two women or even two men"

"They can what now?" Yuven could not believe what he was hearing

"Yes, that is right my friend, love is not just for a man and a woman to share, the good thing about it is **everyone can share love!**" he yelled "And now for where Babies come from I can only tell you that-"

_Mabari Dog_

The dog whined for his master to get up but sadly his master is huddled in the fettle position on his bed as the rooster roared

And on this experience the young Mage Elf has learned never to ask where babies come from ever again…

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**Owari**


End file.
